I asked the question above to many women over the years and quite a few did not know how they wanted their future relationship to be. So, if you feel like them and you are not clear, it can feel confusing.
Firstly, to get a better understanding of what you want in a relationship, it’s best to to know what you don’t want.
Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want.
Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are:
Having anger issues or exhibiting abusive behaviours
Dating several people at once
Being unworthy of trust
Being already in a relationship or married
Having health issues like an STD
Having an addiction such as a drug or alcohol problem
Being inattentive
Having poor hygiene
Being stingy
The next thing is to know are your core values. I suggest that you think of your personal values as a roadmap detailing the sort of life you’d like to lead. It’s unlikely to think that a romantic partner will share all the same values as you.
However, it’s important for you to know what yours are so that you can know which principles and beliefs you are not willing to compromise.
For example, if you think honesty is really important, you are unlikely to resonate with a partner who lies. What’s more, it’s likely to cause a rift in the relationship if your partner expects you to lie, because it goes against your value of honesty.
Rather than me giving you a long list of values, here is a simple way to discover your core values. Answer these questions and look for reoccurring themes:
If you could change something about the community you live in, what would it be? Why?
Who are the two people you respect or admire the most? What traits do you admire about these people?
If your home caught on fire and all the living beings were safely out, what three items would you choose to rescue? Why?
Which moment in your life made you feel very satisfied? What happened to make you feel that way?
Once you have done this, reflect back on previous relationship patterns, —whether romantic or not. For those relationships that ended badly, consider the factors that contributed to the relationship dissolving. What about those relationships left you dissatisfied or unhappy?
Write down any negative patterns you can uncover from your relationships with past lovers, friends, or family members that did not fulfil you. Consider these problem areas as a foundation for what you don’t want in the future.
Once you have completed the above, it is time to think about any issues you have noticed in the relationships around you. Others’ relationships affect you, too. From a child you have witnessed parents, grandparents and family romantic relationships. Even though you were on the outside, you may have been aware of issues these individuals experienced.
For example, maybe your mum was devastated after your dad betrayed her by cheating. You witnessing this has made you aware of how important it is to be faithful in a relationship.
Take note of any such red flags from others’ relationships that you don’t want to have happen in yours. Learning from the mistakes of others may help you to enjoy a more satisfying relationship in the future.
In the my weekly 1:1 sessions with clients, I share how to love yourself first.
Many people have a belief that searching for a romantic partner will complete them.
However, your partner should only enhance you. I strongly believe that you should already be complete or what I call 'whole' on your own. Feeling whole translates to having self-love that is not dependent on anyone else loving you. I go into this in much more detail with my clients.
As an Intuitive Relationship and Breakthrough Coach my job is to support solo high achieving professional women 50+ just like you to live life to the fullest.
With all that has transpired in your life, it is my hope that bringing my skills to you will light the fire of possibility, hope, and excitement in your heart again.
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